8 Ways to Use the Word "CrossFit"

CrossFit: It's not an activity; it's a lifestyle. It's also a language all its own. You know it's true: You and your CrossFit buddies have your own version of CrossFenglish that non-CrossFitters might not engage with.

1.) CrossFat

The feeling one experiences due to a lack of CrossFit.

2.) CrossFitty

When one feels like CrossFitting, but maybe just a little bit. (See also: CrossFittish)

Not to be confused with CrossFiddy:

Photo from Wikipedia

3.) CrossShit

A pre- and post-WOD sensation many athletes experience due to anxiety, heavy breathing, too much jumping, and/or trying to hold in a CrossFart for the duration of the workout.

4.) CrossTwit/CrossIdiot

A derogatory name given to athletes by anti-CrossFitters who most undoubtedly also do things like wear fanny packs when they work out.

5.) CrossSpit

An involuntary side effect of heavy lifting, particularly cleans.

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6.) FitCross

A group of religious persons with a love of high-intensity workouts.

7.) CrossFitFam

The group of persons you become close friends with while cultivating muscles and becoming sweaty.

8.) CrossSplit

The exact moment the seam down the back of your pants rips due to a deep squat and an unconventionally rotund posterior.

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-- The NoMA

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5 Things Only CrossFitters Understand

1.) The Fear of Leaving Ass Prints on the Floor

Sweat drips from every pore of your body, and the instant your skin makes contact with the floor, you leave your mark. You're too self-conscious to ever sit anywhere, lest you leave a giant ass stamp where you collapsed after dying a little doing Fight Gone Bad in 106-degree heat.  Get used to standing, moron.

Occasionally, you'll run into the athlete who's brave enough to sit wherever they damn well please, and they're just all:

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2.) Using the John After Someone Unleashed

It's a daily occurrence.  Someone at crossfit has to take a dipsy doodle; so they excuse themselves and sneak into the bathroom unnoticed.  Shortly after their departure, you use the same bathroom.  You're almost asphyxiated.  You pee the fastest pee you've ever peed, and you get out.  Unfortunately, there's someone waiting to use it right after you.

They look at you.  You look at them.  You both smell it.  They think you're the culprit.  You want to rise to the defense.  But the more you defend yourself, the guiltier you look.  You legitimately want to say, "Look, I know it smells like shit it there, but it was actually the person before me."  Don't bother.  You might as well lie and take credit for it now.  Spare what little dignity you have left.  How sad.

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3.) Clothes That Never Quite Fit Right

Is anyone really comfortable when they're working out?  Is there such a thing as shorts that DON'T ride up every inch of your crack?  Pants that don't give you a muffin top?  Sports bras that hold in your side boob?  Sure, they exist--just like the Tooth Fairy.

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4.) Not Wanting to Reveal What You Ate That Day

You're envious of the people who follow super strict diets and survive off of wood chips and arugula.  If anyone asks what you had for lunch, you casually describe the watercress salad and shot of wheatgrass you purchased from Whole Foods.  Nobody ever has to know that you gorged yourself on half a pizza--although that pizza had pineapple on it, thank you very much.

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5.) Wondering What Your Butt Looks Like to the People Behind You

You're trying to deadlift 250 pounds.  Enough said.  Get a spot in the back row.  Against the wall.  On the other side of the gym.  

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-- The NoMA